Thursday, October 20, 2005

Thursday is a strange day.

I don't mean, like... Just any Thursday. I mean this particular one, for this particular person. I'm leaving for the States in two days.

What a strange feeling. I should be really happy to be heading home, after being away from the States for over two years. However, there's a bitter-sweet quality to it. I have grown to love my "adopted" home in Britain. Okay, I'm not too excited about my current abode. My In-laws are actually quite nice, and I of course LOVE being with my wife. However... The Scottish Borders are a rather silly place. Besides all of that, it's a bit of a melancholy moment.

I've been embraced by the Brits. I was only here for a few weeks before I was told by several folk that I couldn't be an American, I fit in too well in Canterbury. I loved this at the time. Especially the way the Brits tend to think of the Yanks as overbearing annoying shit-wads.

Now though... There's a worry. I fit in SO well in Britain, that it calls into question my ability to fit in in the States.

I didn't really fit in whilst LIVING there, and now after being so immersed in my British experience, I'm thinking it's going to be even more difficult to live in the States.

The second worry, is that I'm leaving my wife behind... With no actual idea as to when I'll be seeing her again. Do you realise how horrible that feeling is? I mean, it would be one thing, if I knew that it was going to be 2 months, or 6 months, or even a year. If I just KNEW I'd be able to prepare for it, and get psyched up for it. As it stands there's this niggling doubt and sinking feeling in my stomach as I get prepared to leave.

I know... Keep up the hopes. Pray to the gods that my wife is allowed to come over to the US in the next few months, and assume that all will be well.

Keep the faith.

Hmm... What three little empty words they are.

I look forward to seeing all my friends and family. I look forward to beginning my new life in the States. And I hope that I am able to share in that new life with my wife, as quickly as possible.

Slànte - T